Finalize eventually

It was on 16th May 2000,saturday....i dress like a man with shirt and pants together with a bunch of flowers,we drove up to ROM,that was my big day...im gettting married,all those witnesses,our parents and the judge of course,those familiar sentences we heard over and over again either in the TV soap opera or either on friend's ROM day.
Today,I went up to the lawyer firm to collect my DIVORCE CERT,i went in with a normal mood,nothing special feeling,signed it and took the copy away,the lady mdm Long who passed me the copy said,"congrats,it's all been finalize."i gave a smile and walk away,on my way back,i took out the copy and read it just for the sake of what is the paper was about and vivid images of what's happenned in this total 12 years time period,thoughts flooded my mind,i wasn't thinking the way i was before,rather i did not blame anyone nor SHE...i started to think,did i did what i did as a duty before?Did i contribute enough?Well,what happenned oredi does,it's a good thing that finally both of us could live our life as an individual,but how abt Ashley?
I started to think about what my mum and my sis said to me....actually Ashley is the most innocent and the victim of the decision that you two have made,i understand the well mean and the cruel decision impact will have on her,but Ashley,pls forgive daddy....it wasn't your fault that mommy and me do not stayed together,it's just that mommy and I have learnt that we are not suitable for each other and we keep quarreling,but there is 1 thing for sure,I LOVE YOU ASHELY and i REALLY DO,although you have not heard from me or there is kinda wall btw us.
It took a long 12 yrs to settled the hatred,the issue,problems we had and have.I do not blame you or regret about anything,it just that we just doesnt work out the way we thought we might be,especially when we have our own nest,own liability,responsiblities.WE ARE JUST NOT PREPARED at that moment.Afterall this 12yrs we have took each other's time,youth and laughter.Sorry for all the time we wasted,Sorry for the effort that was in vain and sorry that we broke each other heart.although it's all in the past tense....
Sincerely i do wish and hope there is someone who can look after you,love ashley the way you love her,it would be enough for me to see you smile once again like before.
Hope everything works out the way we want after this divorce......
Gradually,i feel tears in my eyes.....im a human afterall............
Let's hope the best that will happen for each other in the near future.

How often are we tested by temptations and challenges in life?Every religion belief are they same,GOD will not end the road of one's who never give up.however to what extend does GOD comes and salvage their believers in their life?Let say,if one were to reach the edge of the mountain which the next step will be unthinkable,will GOD show a another way or would he catch you when you fall?

It's gonna End Where It's all initially Begins

I recieved a phonecall yesterday,It was calling from the lawyer officer,i was told to be at his office today at 2.30pm to have the document signed.As i was face-booking thru my timeline and i actually realised that today was 14th Feb(Valentine's day).It all begin 13 yrs ago on this very actual day,never did i realized that it's gonna end on this very actual day 13yrs later.Be it a coincidence or puporsely arranged,finally it ended these long years of confused,undecisive moment.Whatever it may come,will comes...be it good or bad.
It a freedom to both of us,a released option which have been hovering for these long 5yrs however it finally came to a releasing point,hence....i sincerely hope for all the best to you and your new life and i will always remembered this day,a day which human created for a small celebration for loved ones emarks the day which created us and it actually also embarks the end of us.

Sound corny and dramatic...but that's the truth...a day where everything begin is also the day where everything ended.14021999-14022012.

Ashley,i hope u can forgive the unforgiven me for all the pain and sadness that was brewed during the moment of  our stubborn and intensive decision that free the both of us from something we do not have belief anymore.



.

I thought i was having FUN,enjoying life,having excitment!!I was WRONGGGGGG!!It was totally different when i realised the consequences that it will only bring hurt for whatever decision was made,so often one's was too involved into his world and started to realise that other people was really careing about him and it becomes a habit that it should be,but this is all a BLESSING and not a MUST!When you realised it,it always comes too late,just too late for it,even you started to realise that it was actually a blessing.
当你查觉到你已经不再被在枞容,那是因为她已经被伤害了
就是在一刹那,快如闪电的杀伤力,已足够带来悲伤,绝望.
你每次伤心 我每次缺席,我放不过我自己,转一圈回到了原地

但如经,我只可以把眼泪当成一种提醒.
寂寞寂寞就好.........







 

My day started with meeting up BB and mum to bring BB to shop for her CNY clothing,was wandering around town area,unable to find something BB like,so we headed to scotts...finally got her a tunic dress from MANGO and i hope she will like it,then came Vern to pass some CNY goodies to both of them and we headed for dinner,although it was a tiring day however it was worth the effort as BB was really enjoying herself with japanese cusine and ice cream...
I realized that i have missed out alot during her growth,it was a fruitful trip as i learned alot of things about BB and her life now.Vern and her was talking all through out the dinner session,there was a kind of bonding which i had missed it for a very very long time...can't wait for the next meet up.

Singapore flyer!!Here we come!!

I know it was a mistake 2 years ago which affected you,although time can't be reverse and things would not even changed for now,but you have always been on my mind since that very day.How i wish that i could hold your little hand to school,your laughter never fails to make my day,your monkey face which led you to a good beating by mummy.
The only memories through out the years was just the photo of you that were accompany me thru my hard time,i do not expect much,just hope you are in good hands,well taken care of and healthy.Even though now that life have changed,the fact of you are that you are still my lovely BB............

She tapped me from behind and i turn around,i paused for a few seconds,take a deep breath,she asked me"You not working here?"I thought that she would not called me and never did i expected,we chat for a while,a really open chat and a peaceful one instead...hehe,there was no hatred,no sore feeling,no screaming,not hostile..im GALD!!
Thinking back,i really miss out alot for these past 3years,even thou the outcome was to nobody liking but some time things just don't turn out as everybody would hope so,that's life,we gotta learn to take it as it comes.i feel happy when i see you living your life so well,being happy,a new life,new companion.regrets is not the word to hover my mind now.what's done can't be undone,sincerely i do hope u are living your life well and happy now.
Thanks for bringing out such a beautiful one to the world for me.........from my bottom of my heart,THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME ONCE BEFORE

It's 2011!!There goes the not gonna remembered 2010,it's just feel so much better with a new year,new beginning and of course a NEW ME....Nothing can be better than now as im really making my time full of uses,more meaningful.
You can have your fucking life for all i care,u can do whatever you want for all i care...the bottom line is What you do is ur fucking biz!!Whhahaha...Recently there was just too much rumours and i wondered how did it happened?Never did i expected all this,just way too much for me to digest...But currently im just not gonna think so much...so sorry!!
Life wasn't just about commintment and getting serious i guess,ive been wasting too much time pursing something and it's something that i having a pobia rite now.Just wonder why some ppl could rush into things that fast,is it possible?maybe or maybe not...maybe it's just about getting a replacement rite after an encounter however I DUN GIVE A FUCK!!Whahahaha....bon Jovi sang "its my life,it's now or never,im ain't gonna live forever" so what you do is ur fucking life,not mine...for mine..i will live it good,live it well,live it enjoyable...KK,i really got a shock about you,but i really does not wanna think so far,so much..so sorry,i noe some things you can't control de,sorry for things to turn out this way,SZ!!you are really so silly,sometimes even tickle my laughing veins!!lols...but time is just enjoyable with you around...
WF...thanks for accompany me when im in my down period,somethings that are meant to be will be...i know there's a lot of thing that you think i do not know,i wun even ask...if you feel that the time is rite to say it out,you can have the time,just be happy ba...
To all peeps out there,sometimes learning to survive in adverse situation will make you stronger as they are a test in your life which will test you to fall and pick up again,so nevermind the adverse,welcome them and make it a solution which will help u understand a lot of ppl and situation around you!!
Take care and awaiting for the CNY which i will coming to attend,Mum,Sis,BB and all my loved one...pls leave your door open,I WILL BE BACK!!It will not be like last 2years ago...disappearing without a trace just a mobile to reach me!!!I can't wait!!!hehe

For the past weeks,thoughts have rampage thru my mind,thinking about what's to plan ahead..Thanks to all these adverse situation,god's test to me..it's time to pick myself up and carry on with my life!!!
Life is all about making decision!!Once made,do not look back and do not regret coz life'stoo short for that,it was meant for other better purposes!!
Thank you for all these adverse!!What doesn't kill me will just make me STRONGER!!
I have been shutting myself out too long,maybe it'stime to do what i think i should do!!
When you have did your best,do not worry about the result as they said,you can do whatever you can...the rest will depends on fate!!
Once again...Thanks to all those adverse!!!
I have learn to love it rather than sitting in a corner whining and moaning!!!
LIFE GOES ON ya!!!

I have always pick myself up every fall,i have been tough all thru out,when today you told me the cruel truth,my mind is in a blank,i just can't digest every words.It just like a recorder which keep playing again and again in my mind and i just can't think of anything...why does it happen when i truthfully putting my heart and soul into something that i have decided,times and times i have been trying to resurface and saving it......i thought that when things could go back to the starting point,things can be improve and could be even better......until i realised a fact that the STARTING POINT is an ENDING POINT!!Why??WHY am i so useless??
The words just keep ramming my mind,invading my mind,i try to think wat am i going to do.....somehow or rather....my mind is in a TOTALLY BLANK....i really can't think,can't figure.....not a solution not an answer there!!Looking thru the times,the holidays,those happy moments...i cried....it's not just my eyes,my heart too....Letting go=Freedom???Is that so??I know whatever i do now can't change your thinking and feeling.
perhaps is this the ending??Everybody wants a happy ending,what about me??Why?There is just too many WHY in my head now and i just can't figure out why....everybody want the understanding from everyone,is there anyone out there to understand what the fucking shit i'm facing now?
I've been strong,the only time i've cried is my beloved dad DAD pass away without me having the last look at him,but why now??why am i in tears?Why?
Perhaps you guys out there have the answer.....but......it's still me......perhaps times will heal all wounds,for all i know now is Why am i feeling this way?Where is the strong in me?Where is the toughness in me?where is the take thing easy attitude in me?Where is the "XIAO SHA" in me?WHERE are you when i needed you most??

What the fuck is happening to you now?Are you losing confidence in yourself or are you losing confidence in others??
You had fall hard before and stand up again and again!!
Standing at this cross road junction,wat is your fucking decision?you gotta make a choice.
Life is all about choices,isn't it?Be good or bad....
Maybe you should learn to let go...because letting go=Freedom
How many actually 5yrs do you have in life right now?
DONNY!!! Dun give up!!Life is still beautiful whatever decision you make,just think carefully because life isn't about regret,it's about being getting better!!!

There a reason for what is happening,there is a reason for thing that have done...when there is a game that is being played,everybody wanted to win by hook or by crook!!
therefore,i will make you play my game and make you fall real hard this time round!!!
MARK MY WORDS!! **evil Grin**

For the time i stepped out of the house i thought those days were gone,from the day you changed your num,i thought it was over.....until you told me you was always there for me and you just wanna leave us some space,you did not give up on me and told me not to give up on myself....now i know.......you have not changed....i really do not wanna burden you both with my problem that i have created....
Wishes youhave a great happybirthday ahead and may all your wishes come true.....
All i wanna say is for the time i solvemyproblemswill be the day i marked my return...sincerely,hopefully i hope you can wait

Times reallyflies,2010 gonna end in 2mths time,1st thing that cameto my mind is ashley is oredi 10yrs old..i really misses her,everyone asking me is there a possibility to salvage the things that used to be?Well.....i do not dare to think so much as for now.1thing in my mind is if ever there's achance to leave here,i would not hesitate to do so as there is no 1 or nothing for me that can keep me here in this pathetic place...
For those who are feeling lost,dun give up,for those who having a greattime....cherish the time spent as youguys would not know wat's thefuture have in store for you....

Been working for continously 10 days until today to get a break away from it,im just missing out too much in life...wat can i say?I love the job,i love the income but i feel so depleted...i really wish for a short holiday,with the sand,the sun and the water......

How i miss my little baby,memories of you stopped abruptly since 2008 Aug,the way you makes me angry,the way that you will neverless entertain yourself,the way you will go craving for some snack,the way you will make me buy you those toys,all i have now are those photos that i have taken,leaving the unlimited yearn to hold your hand and bring you to school...............................

Time passes so fast,it has been 3 weeks since i transferred over to the new outlet.Work is as usual tiring,met new collegues at work and a total new learning experiences here.I have my eyes really open on how personal incentive system affect the relationship at work,be it or not,there's a mask over everyone here.
In my opinion,the most annoying 1 will be that old skinny BITCH who is working er ass off to get me irritated every now and then,there an old man who never make me laugh and a young man who i can only tok to.
Ever since i was on this job,i have felt my life is so bored,nothing but work,eat and sleep.How i missed those holiday moment to set yourself free,enjoying the sun,the beach and the sea....hmmm,gotta plan for a short getaway trip and avoid seeing those unecessary people..hehe

I didnt know that this company was looking for a supervisory role with such simple requirement,just feel so unworth staying on,had i know this earlier,i would have rebuke it long ago..sigh...what to do,i just have to keep my eye open and start hunting again for i feel that beside product knowledge,all your staff really CMI!!
Let just see how the new SIC going to fare in your new store...haha
hmmm...now that i see u at work,the kind of feeling was totally different from it used to be,perhap,you are just a topic for me to past my time,not really that eager to get to know you anymore...maybe i should change my view for something new haha...y am i so bad nowadays?lols

Another week past,really been enjoying my time at work,perhap it was YOU who make the extra additional color at work,hope you do have a good rest and hopefully it's today hehe...
That day when Andy called you,why did you reject him?i am really curious,what are you thinking?hmmm...i am waiting for chance to make my 1st move,you are my new challenge now hahaha...

World Cup fever is on now!!!Thanks to adrian for recomending online live watch,tonite is Azzurri vs the latin water melon hahaha...i have been an Azzurri supporter over these 10 years but i can't see them winning consectively this year round,hot fav was the bull's dancing spainard.Hopefully Azzurri will win tonite match hehe and this is the reason i am still awake,waiting for the match to be watch online later.
Finally got my off day,been working for 8 continuously days,12 hours everyday so that's total up to 108hours.Happy to be off but i will definately miss my 2 views which kept me going for the working life lols!!!Hope you are off tomorrow too,you have been working for too long too hehe....
it's getting much and much interesting at work as i saw my new workmate's character revealing in an unglam fashion,D,dun snob a loser's attitude when you learned that thing are not going to your way,afterall you are neither that experienced nor have you grown with the company for that long period of time,if you think you are not getting the way you expected from them,my opinion is pls make future plan!!Dun sulked and whined at the corner.
A was a joker which make my day at work however i have been waiting for chances that he would call my view over then i would have the chance to talk haha...so bad right?I know you do fancy but you just do not dare to have a small chat,im just waiting for a perfect chance,dude....hope i would not bust your balloon too hard hehehe *evil grin**
Im just getting weary,i do not wanna play mind games anymore.I will start to plan my move,every step,every move,i wanna catch you unaware,ust like a snake bite,fast and swift!!I will just let you assume that i do not know anything....i wanna prey like a lion,stay still and watch for the right moment then prey in the fastest time!!Watch it......coz im watchinggggggggg.....peace to you,i will return the treatment backkkkkkkkkk